Beautiful Day

I really wish I could say that I finished everything on my list from yesterday but I didn’t! I am finishing up with those things today thankfully and getting some more done but man oh man.

Trying to drink more water today too. It should be an easy task but I often don’t even think about drinking water until I’m so thirsty it’s like my mouth is the sierra dessert…not fun. 😛

Sunday service was wonderful. We finally finished Matthew chapter 7 over the verses 24-29. It was the last bit and it was focused on making sure we know what we’re building our foundation on, who we are building it on, what is our path is and such. It was another eye opening, humbling sermon and I am so thankful to God for his words being preached so faithfully week in and week out.

Hopefully everyone is having a relaxing and peaceful Lord’s day!

Work starts back tomorrow….I am getting really excited, especially since I got to see so many of the kids today. I’ve missed my daily hugs and kisses. ❤

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Procrastination Always Catches Up

Two more days until my vacation is officially over and I while I have had two lovely weeks off I am excited about seeing all the kiddos again.

I have had several days where I feel no motivation to get anything done sadly and so today I am trying to force it to happen since I have several things that have to get done today. Not limited to; laundry, writing, having a Quiet time, photo editing, painting for my nephew(I’ll post pictures once it’s done),  wrapping presents, and cleaning/straightening my room. I also need to send a few emails and texts about work and meetings for the upcoming week…I have been procrastinating fantastically and now I must complete these things! Argg!

My brother also has asked me to go to the movies so that will probably happen at some time…but man oh man I am going to be losing time to complete everything else. At the same time, I haven’t spent that much time with him since being off so it’s a good thing to spend/make time for family and doing something they want to do even if it inconveniences you a bit.

It just means that I now have to get all this done now. Immediately. Post haste. 🙂

Well….I guess I’ll keep this short and go attempt to accomplish most of this. Probably going to go put on a “Frasier” episode to listen/watch as I work. 🙂

Hasta La Vista fellow bloggers.

Bucket Lists, Goals, and a New Year ahead

So another year is upon us and the last one just flew by so fast that I can hardly believe it is here already. In view of this I will post just a few of my goals from last year that I accomplished  and then a list of ones I want to accomplish for this year.

2014

1 – Color my hair – (Black)

2 – Dance under the stars – 😀

3 – Try Zumba – Not my thing.

4 – Learn to Crochet – Kind of, I started and I need to take some classes but I taught myself the gist of it.

5 – Go on a date. – It finally happened!

6 – Go on an adventure/trip alone. – I found out I love traveling by myself.

7 – Pierce my nose. – I love it!

8 – Say “yes” instead of “no.” – Did this too.

9 –  Ask a guy out – Yes, for coffee.

10 – Go to a bar – hotel bar but I count it.

11 – Get a massage.- This needs to become a regular this year!

12 – Strike up conversation with a stranger. – So many stories from this one!

13 – Eat somewhere local on a trip(no chain restaurants). Great food!

14 – Write a letter and leave it in your seat. (Did this on the train!)

15 – Visit a local park on my trip.

16 – Ride on a train.

17 – Make homemade marshmallows. So yummy!!

18 – Try something new. I tried several new drinks, traveling alone, trusting myself more…etc.,

19 – Eat oreo’s and peanut butter together.

20 – Get back into reading more regularly. 🙂

So those are just some of the things that were on my multiple bucket lists and I have a ton more that are on them. Too many to accomplish in one year.

So for 2015 here are some of my goals and things I want to accomplish….hopefully within the next 364 days I will be able to do most if not all of them 🙂

I am going to put down 52 since I’ll have 52 weeks to complete these but not necessarily going to try to complete on each week.

1 – Go Cliff Jumping. – I have no idea where yet so if you know of a place let me know!

2 – Go on three dates this year.

3 – Make ratatouille and creme brulee.

4 – Go on a trip spur of the moment with no planning.

5 – Go hunting.

6 – Take at least three trips this year.

7 – Finish my novel and send it in to publishers.

8 – Become a healthier me by continuing going to Crossfit and learning to eat healthier.

9 – Go Ice Skating.

10 – Save more money, spend less.

11 – Cut out more processed foods and sugary foods.

12 – Try acupuncture.

13 – Go stargazing.

14 – Give/Donate Blood.

15 – Go camping, rough it.

16 – Play laser tag.

17 – Make quiet time with God a habit.

18 – Get up early everyday.

19 – Write every week. (Goal is anywhere between 3 and 4 thousand words)

20 – Take Singing lessons.

21 – Level my WOW character to the highest level.

22 – Read 50 books this year.

23 – Drastically lower my hospital and chiropractor bills.

24- Take a road trip with friends.

25 – Dance in the rain.

26 – Eat Snake.

27 – Try out three local shops I’ve never been to before.

28 – Eat at three new restaurants.

29 – Workout 3 times a week.

30 – Only eat out three times or less each month.

31 – Make a Dream Catcher.

32 – Go to a concert.

33 – Enter a photography contest.

34 – Slide across the hood of a red convertible.

35 – See all of Audrey Hepburn’s movies.

36 – Ride a motorcycle.

37 – Go to a wine tasting.

38 – Go Crabbing.

39 – Get my CHL.

40 – Get a chest for my window area.

41 – Participate in the Tough Mudder race.

42- Be a zombie in a marathon run.

43 – Take piano lessons.

44 – Visit my friends out of state, in other cities more often.

45 – Memorize more Bible verses.

46 – Go to a women’s conference.

47 – Visit the shooting range regularly.

48 – Learn to play pool.

49 – Go to a drive in theater.

50 – Learn two new card games.

51 – Visit at least one national or state park.

52 – Get my ears double pierced.

So those are just a few things that are on my many, many lists and so I am going to try to tackle these this year and I’ll attempt to write about them as I accomplish them. 🙂

I would love to hear back on your thoughts of this list and any ideas on ways to help accomplish them or any additions or things I should add! If you write a blog post on your own bucket list/goals give me the link and I will go check it out.

Later Gators and Happy New Year!

About to Explode

I am a great bundle of emotion. I have so many emotions rushing through my mind that I am very frustrated and exhausted by the onslaught of them all.

You see, I just got back from a trip that I took this weekend. And the problem is that while I was there I what I consider to be both the second most stupid thing I have ever done as well as the most refreshing thing I’ve ever done.

I asked my bartender (let’s call him Dave) out for coffee after he bought my drink for me.

He said yes. Surprise.

I have never asked anyone out in my life and to do it on vacation when I will never see the man again was idiotic as I am someone who wears her heart on her sleeve. While it was freeing taking the initiative and all, it was done in a somewhat selfish act in trying to get out of my comfort zone and do something I never would normally.

It probably would have been fine but the problems have come from the aftermath since during our date I agreed to let him kiss me.

I shouldn’t have.

I have only been kissed by one other guy in my life (let’s call him Greg) and while it was one of the best things I had ever experienced I was being used and I knew it, so it has always been a tainted memory.

And now, four long years later, and with a craving that had been building slowly over all that time I longed to be held and kissed.

Believe me, Jeff certainly filled that craving and blew Greg’s kisses so far out of the water and out of my mind that I honestly don’t think I’ll ever be able to remember them again. (awesome!)

He treated me like a lady the whole time, never once assuming that he would get anything other than a kiss and I loved every. single. moment.

I hate saying I ‘regret’ it because in a lot of ways I don’t. What I regret is that I know I let myself ‘pretend that all I wanted was a kiss’ but what I really want, what I crave isn’t a ‘kiss’ or a ‘makeout session’ (that’s really what it was) but what I need is a stable, christian man who loves me and wants me.

I am saddened by my weak, sinful self that craves the satisfaction that physical pleasure brings and I am now dealing with the consequences of my actions.

I am craving to see Jeff again; I want his lips, his arms but mostly, I want his love. And that craving is not going to be filled by him and that knowledge is taking a physical toll on me now.

And I know that I will never see him again and I also know he wouldn’t love me and I don’t understand why I think he’d even want to.

I know I’m being ridiculous. I know. Believe me, I’ve tried reasoning with myself and ‘moving’ on and yet it’s so much harder to say than to do. I get attached much to easily, like I said earlier I wear my heart on my sleeve. I am also attention deprived and I tend to grasp onto whatever affection is given when offered.

I know that this will fade. It did with Greg…after several months but then again I had been with him for about eight months so months to get over him was expected.

I’m praying this runs it’s course quickly and I can think back fondly on our kisses without hurting the way I am now.

Mostly, it hurts knowing how I daydreamed and I knew it was pointless and yet I still held a sliver of hope and all that hope has been shattered and now I have to start all over again.

I brought this on myself and I will get through it.

As a very wise woman said, “You are Kind. You are Smart. You are Important.”

And I know I can fall into Jesus’ arms and beg him to fix me again, to forgive me and I know he will. I need to trust Him more fully, he will bring all things into their seasons. And if I have a special man that he’s prepared I know he’ll send him at the right time.

I just need so much patience….but patience is so hard to acquire and then to keep.

The song titled “100 years” by Five For Fighting (love them!) is on my mind right now and I don’t want to waste the years God’s given me and I have no idea how many that will even be. Maybe I’ll only live another two years or maybe I’ll live until I’m 99 and die in my bed of old age in my sleep. I have no idea.

I know I have to get over this. I have to move on. I have to trust God had a reason for allowing me to have my “magical” date on my trip and while I may never know what reason that is I know it will be used for His glory and my good…even if I have no idea how that will work out.

Maybe no one will read this or maybe someone will but they won’t understand it at all but I had to write this down and put it out there. I had to share my soul and get it out so I can breathe a little easier instead of letting it build up inside until I can only gasp out gulping sobs of despair. (Both literally and figuratively)

Now, I’m going to go fall into the arms of my great Savior and Lord, Jesus Christ.